The Girlfriend's Guide to Sports

This guy is Andy Murray. He’s a 25-year-old Scottish tennis player currently ranked #1 in Britain and #4 in the world. He briefly held the #1 world ranking in 2009. Looks like a nice guy, huh?  Like maybe he was the smart kid in your high school economics and he lettered in a sport and maybe also was the prom king. OK, scratch that scenario — if he was that guy, I’d probably not like him very much.

Anyway, the story here is that today at Wimbledon [one of the events in the grand slam of tennis, in London — officially called The Championships, Wimbledon at the All England Club], Roger Federer, the famed record-setting tennis player who was world #1 for a long time, defeated the current #1, Novak Djokovic, and people are saying this is Andy Murray’s best chance to win the trophy that looks like a sterling silver kettle of fish (the women’s trophy looks like a giant cheese plate).

The backstory here is that no male Briton has won Wimbledon since Fred Perry in 1936 — since Wimbledon was first televised in 1937, that means that the British public at large has never seen one of its own men win. (The women have done better — Virginia Wade was the last British lady to win it in 1977.)

Murray is playing the fifth-seeded Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga right now in the semi-finals. If you can get past Patrick McEnroe’s constant rhapsodizing about how fast and strong and talented Tsonga is and how he looks like an American Football linebacker and isn’t he great and ooh, Tsonga — if you don’t mind that style of  constant ass-kissing, then I recommend turning it on — it’s on ESPN and ESPN3.com. Whoever wins, goes on to face Roger Federer in the final.

Good Wimbledon trivia to know: 

• Wimbledon is the only major still played on grass, which is the game’s original surface.  That’s how “lawn tennis” got its name. Although, by the end of the tournament, it looks more like dirt. 
• The longest Wimbledon match ever, by far, occurred on June 22, 2010, between John Isner [American] and Nicolas Mahut [French] and lasted 11 hours, 5 minutes. It was called due to darkness twice, before Isner finally defeated Mahut 6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, 70-68 for a total of 183 games. Called the Endless Game by many, it was immortalized in song by folk singer Dan Bern (in fact, on Dan Bern’s Live in New York CD, you can hear my embarrassingly obnoxious laugh on that track — I was sitting in the front row).
• The All England Club finally got an $88 million retractable roof over the center court in 2009.  Because they apparently figured out that IT RAINS A LOT IN ENGLAND.

EDIT: ANDY MURRAY DEF TSONGA 6-3, 6-4, 3-6, 7-5 AND WILL FACE FEDERER IN THE FINALS! A Briton in the final since 1938.  Brilliant.

So, the Dude I live with did some freelance research* (freelance in the sense that nobody asked him to look it up or share what he found, yet he happily did it anyway) and tells me the following things that will be sure to impress your own dude’s idiot friends when they come around, matching their sneakers to their jerseys:

• R.A. Dickey, the knuckleball pitcher for the New York Mets, leads the major leagues in wins, strike-outs, Earned Run Average (ERA) and Walks & Hits Per Innings Pitched (WHIP). He is only one inning behind Matt Cain (who pitched a perfect game a week or so back) of the San Francisco Giants in total innings pitched for this year. He also recently had back-to-back games where he gave up only a single hit (called a one-hitter).
• There were nine home runs in the Yankees-Braves game at Yankee Stadium on Wednesday. And the Braves had most of them, beating the Yanks 10-5.
• Roger Clemens was once thrown out of a postseason game in the second inning for arguing balls-and-strikes. (Later this week, we’ll take a look at Clemens’ acquittal of perjury by a jury of his peers. So they must have been a jury of 12 steroidal megalomaniacs?  Where’d they findthoseguys?)
• College football is moving closer to have a national championship game for the first time ever. Want to hear a really boring but impassioned conversation?  Ask a group of guys in college tee shirts about the college bowl game system.  Then order a tall drink because you’ll probably be there awhile.
• Rob Hennigan, the new general manager of the Orlando Magic basketball team, graduated from Emerson College in 2004.  Which means he’s 30 years old, and the youngest general manager in the NBA.
• On ESPN.com, they’re already touting the Brooklyn Nets…hey, didn’t those guys used to be in New Jersey?

Now go forth and impress.

Andrea

* The Dude would like me to point out that much of his research was in the service of his sports spot on our community radio station. You can catch the podcast of his spots here.  He seriously knows all the things.

Well, if you’re like me, you’ve been alternating time between the NBA finals and the fascinating season of baseball of which we are just about at the halfway point. My team, the New York Metropolitans baseball club is having a truly interesting season (mildly put) but I’ll save that for another post.

Which clears the way for us to talk about the subtext behind this guy and the reason he’s a) dressed like a zombie, and b) wearing the duds of a dead franchise, the SuperSonics which, up until four years ago, played ball in Seattle.

This is Seattle native Colin Baxter. He’s got a long memory, and some excellent self-face painting skills. But, let’s back up for a second to look at just why Baxter flew down to the NBA finals, made up his face to become a member of the legion of the undead, sat in a prime seat (see crowd photo) and hexed the Oklahoma City Thunder all last evening, until they let an imposing lead over the Miami Heat slip between James Harden’s fingers.

The Pacific Northwest loves basketball — the Dude I live with and I were just talking about this last night in the vein of “cities with the best basketball fans who still show up for the games even when the team is on a years-long dry spell.” We struggled to think for a moment, until I said “Portland!” somewhat triumphantly. The Portland TrailBlazers have some amazing fans.

And so did Seattle.  What Seattle did not have was leadership, honest management or forthright owners. They had their team essentially stolen out from under them by, depending on who you believe, the CEO of Starbucks or a crafty new owner working in cahoots with a team-moving-happy-league commissioner, David Stern.

Now, anyone who has had a conversation about basketball with me, knows that I have the utmost respect for the man at the top of the NBA organization, David Stern. This is because I feel he makes canny, smart moves to keep the league relevant, exciting, and accessible. But what I saw in Colin Baxter’s equally canny and smart docko about the Sonics “leaving” Seattle to be reborn as the Thunder of Oklahoma City, gave me pause.

Essentially, it breaks down to this: the NBA and the owners of the Sonics colluded to force the city of Seattle to either a) use taxpayer money to fund a new, larger arena, or b) kiss the Sonics goodbye.

But between the lines unfolds a story of deception by the owners, current and (perhaps) previous, perpetrated on the city and the fans. The implication is that the current ownership knew the city wouldn’t pony up the dollars (during the deepest part of the current recession, in 2008) for a new arena, but pushed this as a way to keep the team, making the move look legitimate when the city eventually had to turn the NBA and the Sonics ownership down.

The move to OK City had been planned, Baxter’s Sonicsgate: Requiem for a Team concludes, going back to 2005, when Hurricane Katrina forced the New Orleans Hornets to Oklahoma City for a portion of its home games. Basketball was a hit in Oklahoma City, and Clayton Bennett, the head of the group that bought the Sonics from Starbucks founder Howard Schultz, sought a way to bring the Sonics there, despite having (allegedly) given Schultz a good faith promise to keep the team in Seattle.

It’s more involved than that, and with much more heartache for Seattle fans, but I don’t want to give it all away: Sonicsgate was too good a documentary. The Dude and I just happened to catch it on CNBC and we were positively riveted. I highly recommend it.

Seattle is still pissed off four years later. I can’t say I fully understand what the emotion is like: I live in New York, which tends to get teams rather than lose them, at least since the Brooklyn Dodgers and New York baseball Giants fled us mid-20th-century. But I was born a Knick fan, and so I know what it is to love the team but loathe the ownership. And if the Dolan family ever schemed to take the Knicks somewhere else, I know I would be getting tattoos and drawing signs and picketing Madison Square Garden, and stalking David Stern, which I imagine would involve a lot of hiding in plain sight.

Bottom line: I’d watch Sonicsgate with your own dude on your own couch. You’ll both dig it, because it’s interesting for you, and it’s about sports intrigue for him.

**

Subtext is a series that looks at issues sports nuts seem to care about and talk about a lot, without slowing down to inform people who don’t know what they’re talking about.

Yankees win, Mets lose. Even Mets fans have to admit, we spend more time getting our hopes dashed to pieces than we do looking forward to the post-season.  The best thing about the end of regular season play, generally speaking, is that the pain of Mets fanship temporarily ceases for the winter, allowing us to focus more clearly on our Fantasy Football rosters.

And it wouldn’t be so bad if the team in the next borough didn’t have this annoying habit of, like, winning a lot.  Beyond that, though, the Yankees are known for winning. Even when they’re not winning, the baseball world generally assumes that they are. That extends to the mentality of rival fans, apparently, as well. 

For example:

The Yankees record for this season so far stands at 26 games won, 23 games lost. They are in third place in their division, the American League East. The Mets’ record is 28 wins, 22 losses. They are in second place in their division, the National League East.

And yet this afternoon, I found myself in a Turntable.fm room listening to some friends spin their playlists when the song “Call Me Maybe” came up. The conversation went like this [edited and condensed for clarity]:

D: Isn’t there a NY Yankee who uses this as his at bat song?

Me: It’s actually a Met that uses Call Me Maybe. Demonstrating yet another way the Mets are insecure as a team. A Yankee would probably have Blondie’s “Call Me” as their song, without the uncertainty. At least this is my crazy new hypothesis that I just made up.

D: I think you are on to something. A real metaphor for Mets v. Yanks.

Me: SCIENCE.

D: Write Your Blog, Maybe

Clearly, as we have seen, this is not supported by the numbers.  The numbers say the Mets are better than the Yankees — right at this very moment in history — by one a half games (I’ll explain this math in a later post. I had to call the Dude at work to doublecheck my math. Oy.) and yet here’s a typical case of Mets Downerism.

This is the year I break out of the Mets Downerism and start saying things like, “David Wright is batting .370!” instead of adding in the usual “…for now.” And, in October, when I’m watching two other teams compete in a World Series that has all but lost its significance to me, I will at least feel a little bit better about how I chose to support my team.  

Except I guess that last paragraph is based upon a foundation of Downerism.  Oh, well.  A big first step.

LET’S GO METS!

**

This is Justin Turner, Mets utility infielder (meaning he plays where he’s needed in the infield), who has “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen play when it’s his turn to bat.  He’s on the disabled list right now with an ankle injury, where he joins like, a third of the team including highly paid dudes like Jason Bay and Mike Pelfrey. Have a little confidence, Justin.  Handsome guy like you?  Get a song with a strong message.  May I suggest “Walkin’ On Sunshine”?

**

Subtext is a series that looks at issues sports nuts seem to care about and talk about a lot, without slowing down to inform people who don’t know what they’re talking about.

OK, so not a great evening for New York sports, generally speaking. Leaving aside the lone bright spot of the Mets rolling over the Phillies 10-6 in Philadelphia last night, here’s the shameful rundown:

• The Rangers have to play a game 7.
• The Yankees went down to the Rays 4-1 at Yankee Stadium.
• Meanwhile their legendary closer Mariano Rivera developed a blood clot that’s going to complicate his recovery from a torn ACL that’s already put him out for the rest of the season.

And, finally, the topic of today’s Subtext: the Knicks went down to the Heat 106-94 in game 5 of that series, closing them out of the NBA playoffs.

But the real story here is how the Knicks have never been so good, while being so bad at the same time. Here’s what I mean.

When the season began, everyone’s hopes were stupidly high.  I predicted, in a now infamous-around-my-household boldly shouted statement (that I repeated over and over again) that the Knicks would go 50-16. The season had been shortened due to the lock-out* and I just felt that with Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire and a cast of supporting characters behind them, the Knicks might have had their due.

It’s like there’s a sports god up there, listening for the sh*t I say just to be able to prove whatever I think incorrect in a truly epic fashion.  (Like how I thought Jason Bay might have been the answer to the Mets problems a few years ago.)

The Knicks started out meh, continued meh and then, all of a sudden BOTH STOUDEMIRE AND ANTHONY WERE INJURED.  Well, I don’t care how many handsome guys like Tyson Chandler you’ve got, dude can’t carry a team by his lonely self there, so pack it in.

And then Jeremy Lin stepped forward from the miasma and chaos that is a 10-day NBA contract (that’s a thing — players can be called up from the Development League for 10-day-long contracts — the Development League is the equivalent to the minor leagues in Baseball) and RULED EVERYBODY’S FACE.  They won! They won! They kept winning!

And then the superstars came back, and they kind of stopped winning.  Coach Mike D’Antoni couldn’t work a system with both Lin and the Stoudemire/Anthony contingent that could both score and defend. Things got rocky.  Then Lin got injured and was out for the rest of the season. D’Antoni “resigned” (read: GOT CANNED but stepped aside prior to the canning), assistant Mike Woodson took over.

I lost hope; started watching more Los Angeles Clippers and Oklahoma City Thunder games.

But, because the NBA playoffs essentially include every team but the Bobcats, Hornets, Timberwolves and Wizards, the Knicks made it to the playoffs. To face LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and the rest of the MIAMI-EFFING-HEAT.

So, to their credit, they won at least a single game.  It was never really competitive, and you have to wonder if James & Wade, who are buddies with Carmelo Anthony, just let him have that as a gimme so the series wouldn’t look like the total blowout it very much was.

On the bright side, I love Tyson Chandler and as long as I get to look at him next season, there’s still hope.

—A.

* The lockout occurred when management and the players’ union disagreed on, basically, money. How much should be shared, what rights should be distributed, the typical money issues that arise between labor & management when both are standing to gain jillions of dollars. It shortened the season from the usual 82 games, down to 66.

**

Subtext is a series that looks at issues sports nuts seem to care about and talk about a lot, without slowing down to inform people who don’t know what they’re talking about.

If you’re like me, (although if you’re still reading this, you probably are) you sometimes wonder how the dude who shares the couch with you can DVR a game, and use the time during the commercials to check in on the other game he’s interested in EVEN THOUGH THAT ORIGINAL GAME IS RECORDED AND HE COULD EASILY BE FAST FORWARDING OVER THE COMMERCIALS TO GET BACK TO THE GAME.

Well, here’s the Rosetta Stone to unlock the answer to that one: it’s because there are simply too many things going on at once.  Sure, he could miss all of the other things going on but then you’d just have to sit through the SportsCenter recap, when all you really wanted to watch tonight was the finale of Downton Abbey that’s been sitting in the DVR FOR-LIKE-EVER (Oh, Dame Maggie Smith, you just kill me), but he brought home dinner and did the dishes and you’re going to be a good sport about it (PUNS!) because, after all, love is full of little favors.

So here are the things you may be flipping through this evening.

Baseball - Happening Now
Mets @ Phillies
Nationals @ Pirates
Rays @ Yankees

Baseball - Happening Later
Marlins @ Astros
Red Sox @ Royals
Angels @ Twins
Cardinals @ Diamondbacks
Tigers @ Mariners
Padres @ Dodgers

Baseball - Delayed Due to Inclement Weather
Rangers @ Orioles
White Sox @ Indians

Basketball - Happening Now
Knicks @ Heat [game 5, first round of NBA playoffs]
- The Heat (stars include LeBron James, Dwyane Wade & Chris Bosh) are up 3-1 in the series over the Knicks (stars include Carmelo Anthony, Amar’e Stoudemire, Tyson Chandler and Jeremy Lin of “Linsanity” fame). Should the Knicks win, they will play a game 6. If the Heat win, they will move on to the next round of the playoffs.

Basketball - Happening Later
Clippers @ Grizzlies [game 5, first round of NBA playoffs]

Hockey - Happening Now
Rangers @ Capitals [game 6, first round of Stanley Cup playoffs]
- Game 5 included a triple overtime win by the Rangers. The series currently has the Rangers besting the Capitals 3-2. A win tonight would advance them to the next round of the playoffs, while a loss will force a game 7, which is ALWAYS exciting.

Happy watching!

-A.

Who’s got two thumbs and is named Tim Duncan? This guy.

The San Antonio Spurs, the basketball team for which Tim Duncan plays, is pretty remarkable in its consistency. Around my house, we always refer to the Spurs as the sleeper team.  You rarely see them make big headlines, rarely see highlights of unbelievable plays they make on SportsCenter, but every year they seem to roar into the NBA postseason.

And this guy is the reason they’re able to do it.  Tim Duncan is bound for the basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA. He’s played his entire career (1998-present) for the Spurs, and only once during his tenure did they not make the playoffs (2000). Unlike some flashier players in the league, Duncan avoids the spotlight and is generally known as one of nicest guys playing the game today.

Maybe that good karma will again pay off this year.  The Spurs have not won a conference title since 2007, which is also the last year they won the NBA Finals championship. But they’re on their way, sweeping the Utah Jazz 4-0 in the first round of the play-offs.

Stay tuned to see what this guy does next.

—A.

An athlete is said to be in his “contract year” when his contract will expire at the end of the current season of play. This applies to the big four sports (baseball, basketball, football & hockey), but primarily baseball and basketball.

It’s often said with a bit of a sneer by sports fans, intended to indicate that athletes play harder when the chance for a new, pricier contract is on the line.

For example, slugger Albert Pujols’ contract with the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team ended at the end of last season. So, last season was his contract year.

Pujols, who was with the Cardinals for 11 seasons, is now on the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Yes, that’s really their name. Yes, yes, I know. Long and stupid. I know.). Last year, Albert hit 37 home runs in 147 games. That averages out to about one home run every four games. We’re about 30 games into the 2012 season and, so far, after receiving a fat contract that locks him up with the Angels for the next decade, Albert has hit one home run and is batting .190. This means that just about 80% of his turns at-bat result with him swinging the bat, and ending up back in the dugout afterward.

In a perfect world, I’d like to believe nobody would actually play lazy.  Most of these guys play their hearts out because COME ON.  IT’S THEIR DREAM.  It’s the stuff little leaguers of any sport dream about in their pint-sized racecar-shaped beds. But the numbers — overall, not just in Albert’s case — do seem to indicate that athletes do better when a crap-ton of money is on the line. Seems like a bit of an ethical failure to this deflated fan.

Anyway, there’s your definition. Contract Year: the season after which a contract expires, during which time a player attempts to do his very best, in the hope of making more money with a new contract.

—A.

P.S. If this kind of thing interests you at the psychological level, may I suggest a long, but interesting, interview between sportswriter Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell on the subject of, among other things, why some player come to training camp every year overweight.

**

If you’re an outsider looking in on the sports world, terms like this will drive you nuts. It’s like ESPN invented their own language, and it’s much, much more widely spoken than, say, Esperanto.

This series examines a bunch of terms widely understood by sports lovers, ESPN analysts, the guys on the local news that talk about sports before the dorky weather dude with the map comes on, and the guy you sit next to on the couch, who occasionally lets one of these words slip out of his mouth like you know what the heck he’s talking about.

This guy is Cole Hamels. Before you get distracted by his perfect eyebrows, let me tell you why he’s all over the sporting news today. He’s a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies (Which is, what, shorthand for Philadelphians? Maybe? The Philadelphia Philadelphians? That aside…)

Last night, the Phillies were playing the Washington Nationals at their stadium, in Washington D.C. Hamels was pitching to Bryce Harper, the Nationals’ 19-year-old much-hyped-possible-future-superstar, in the first inning of the game, when he hit Harper on the butt with a pitch.

Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Pitchers plunk batters on occasion, it hurts although usually not enough to injure the batter, and the batter gets to advance to first base. But Hamels is about to start serving a five-game suspension and is subject to a fine for beaning Harper Sunday night. Why?  Because when the media came around to Hamels’ locker after the game, he said this boneheaded thing:

“I was trying to hit him,” the two-time All-Star lefty said Sunday night. “I’m not going to deny it. I’m not trying to injure the guy. They’re probably not going to like me for it, but I’m not going to say I wasn’t trying to do it. I think they understood the message, and they threw it right back. That’s the way, and I respect it.”

Editorially speaking, I’d have to say Hamels’ follow-up statement is what got him in trouble.

“That’s something I grew up watching, that’s kind of what happened. So I’m just trying to continue the old baseball because I think some people are kind of getting away from it,” Hamels said. “I remember when I was a rookie the strike zone was really, really small and you didn’t say anything because that’s the way baseball is.

“But I think unfortunately the league’s protecting certain players and making it not that old-school, prestigious way of baseball,” Hamels added. [via ESPN.com]

Baseball is ruled by a long-time sourpuss named Bud Selig, who doesn’t like players criticizing the league, its talented young prospects, or his ridiculous old man haircut.

Among my male friends, Harper is generally a noted asshat, despite having only played eight games. One buddy loathes the way he seems to pitch off his hat while running, intentionally dramatizing his way around the bases. And then there was his GQ interview, where the pottymouth was practically placed in Cooperstown for his bombastic personality by Will Leitch. I mean, Leitch called him the “Mozart child prodigy of the great game.” FOR REAL?

But, anyway, the five-game suspension is not as bad as it sounds. Major league starting pitchers (often called “starters” meaning they are the pitchers that start the game — when they get tired, or throw the amount of pitches the coaches think should be their limit, the “relief pitchers” come in, so named because they relieve the starting pitchers of having to pitch) are generally on a staff of four or five men, which means they pitch every fourth or fifth game. Given travel days and days off, and because Hamels pitched last night, he will most likely not miss his next “start.”

But it makes for a good story — and you can tell it’s a good story because UGH WAS IT EVERYWHERE TODAY! And maybe, it should be noted, the Phillies beat the Nationals 9-3.

“In the post,” is a basketball term. In basketball, there are three players who play the “front court” meaning they play closest to the basket. Check out this diagram. The power forward in the number 4 spot is the guy who plays down “in the post,” or is “posted up” under the basket (with their backs facing the basket).

During the course of a play, a guy standing in the number 4 spot, even if he is not a power forward, can be said to be down “in the post.”

Power forwards are typically tall guys with long arms — current power forwards include Kevin Garnett (who plays for the Boston Celtics), Tim Duncan (who is a longtime PF for the San Antonio Spurs), Amar’e Stoudemire (on the New York Knicks), Pau Gasol (of the Los Angeles Lakers) and Dirk Nowitzki (of the Dallas Mavericks, who won the NBA championship in 2011).

This is one you’ll probably never need to use yourself, but it’s definitely said by the play-by-play announcers at least twice a game, every game.

—A.

**

If you’re an outsider looking in on the sports world, terms like this will drive you nuts. It’s like ESPN invented their own language, and it’s much, much more widely spoken than, say, Esperanto.

This series examines a bunch of terms widely understood by sports lovers, ESPN analysts, the guys on the local news that talk about sports before the dorky weather dude with the map comes on, and the guy you sit next to on the couch, who occasionally lets one of these words slip out of his mouth like you know what the heck he’s talking about.