February 2013
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Noted Asshat of the Week: Lance Armstrong
[I’m no Perez Hilton, but hey, I can MS Paint with the best of ‘em. —Ed.]
I’m not going to lie: I love to loathe Lance Armstrong. I’m also not going to lie about why: he once broke Sheryl Crow’s heart and I can’t stand to see my girl Sheryl in pain. AND THEN SHE GOT CANCER — there’s no real correlation there, just sayin’.
Anyway...
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The Big Game, and Other Reasons NFL Stands for NO...
girlfriendsguide:
Statistics being unable to lie, you’re probably watching, being forced to watch, or otherwise hearing all around you (on Facebook, in your favorite newspaper, in your daily dose of LOLcats) today’s Big Game. This Big Game is regularly the most watched thing on television each year.
Yeah, we can pretend it’s about Beyonce or the commercials, but it’s really about the Dudes...
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Seven Blissful Days
This is the annual magic gap between the end of the NFL and the wild speculation about the coming baseball season that happens the first day pitchers and catchers report to their respective spring training camps.
This translates to a mandate within Our Household (enacted in 2013) that we can only speak of hockey and basketball for the next seven blissful days.
Kinda makes me feel like this...
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WTF IS MICHAEL JORDAN WEARING →
…is my new favorite ANYTHIIIIIIIIING.
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The Big Game, and Other Reasons NFL Stands for NO...
Statistics being unable to lie, you’re probably watching, being forced to watch, or otherwise hearing all around you (on Facebook, in your favorite newspaper, in your daily dose of LOLcats) today’s Big Game. This Big Game is regularly the most watched thing on television each year.
Yeah, we can pretend it’s about Beyonce or the commercials, but it’s really about the...
July 2012
2 posts
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Men Kissing Trophies: Roger Federer
Men love kissing trophies. For real.
Roger Federerererer won the gilded kettle of fish-like trophy on Sunday, beating Andy Murray — after a seemingly inexplicable delay where the commentators (at least on the satellite radio feed to which I was listening) seemed to indicate that officials had called a rain delay, but weren’t sure whether or not to close the roof. WHAT IS THE POINT...
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This Guy: Andy Murray
This guy is Andy Murray. He’s a 25-year-old Scottish tennis player currently ranked #1 in Britain and #4 in the world. He briefly held the #1 world ranking in 2009. Looks like a nice guy, huh? Like maybe he was the smart kid in your high school economics and he lettered in a sport and maybe also was the prom king. OK, scratch that scenario — if he was that guy, I’d probably...
June 2012
3 posts
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“I studied all the offers I’ve received in recent weeks and I feel that...”
– Didier Drogba, somewhat inexplicably addressing his move from Chelsea (British football) to Shanghai Shenhua (Chinese football…?) Video via ESPN is here.
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Bar Trivia to Impress His Idiot Friends:...
So, the Dude I live with did some freelance research* (freelance in the sense that nobody asked him to look it up or share what he found, yet he happily did it anyway) and tells me the following things that will be sure to impress your own dude’s idiot friends when they come around, matching their sneakers to their jerseys:
R.A. Dickey, the knuckleball pitcher for the New York Mets, leads...
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Subtext: The Zombiepocalypse
Well, if you’re like me, you’ve been alternating time between the NBA finals and the fascinating season of baseball of which we are just about at the halfway point. My team, the New York Metropolitans baseball club is having a truly interesting season (mildly put) but I’ll save that for another post.
Which clears the way for us to talk about the subtext behind this guy and the...
May 2012
18 posts
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“I’m leaning to coming back.”
– Martin Brodeur, New Jersey Devils goalie, 5/29/2012
Martin (Mar-TAN) Brodeur is the winningest goalie of all time. It helps to play in the league until you’re forty, granted, but being the superlative of anything seems pretty impressive and for a sport that’s as fast as hockey is, you...
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The Subtext: The Self-Esteem Difference Between...
Yankees win, Mets lose. Even Mets fans have to admit, we spend more time getting our hopes dashed to pieces than we do looking forward to the post-season. The best thing about the end of regular season play, generally speaking, is that the pain of Mets fanship temporarily ceases for the winter, allowing us to focus more clearly on our Fantasy Football rosters.
And it wouldn’t be so bad if...
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Joe Petruccio's Mets Blog →
Being the sports novice that I admittedly am, there’s a certain way I like my sports news to be delivered to me, particularly about the see-saw ride that is Mets fandom. Enter Joe Petruccio, an artist so talented (he specializes in Elvis) at what he does, I really have no words to describe his Mets game-by-game blog, except to say, it’s a beautiful testament to a team from a devoted...
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The Subtext: Heat Best Knicks in Series 4-1
OK, so not a great evening for New York sports, generally speaking. Leaving aside the lone bright spot of the Mets rolling over the Phillies 10-6 in Philadelphia last night, here’s the shameful rundown:
The Rangers have to play a game 7.
The Yankees went down to the Rays 4-1 at Yankee Stadium.
Meanwhile their legendary closer Mariano Rivera developed a blood clot that’s going to...
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What's On TV Tonight: All The Things
If you’re like me, (although if you’re still reading this, you probably are) you sometimes wonder how the dude who shares the couch with you can DVR a game, and use the time during the commercials to check in on the other game he’s interested in EVEN THOUGH THAT ORIGINAL GAME IS RECORDED AND HE COULD EASILY BE FAST FORWARDING OVER THE COMMERCIALS TO GET BACK TO THE GAME.
Well,...
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This Guy: Tim Duncan
Who’s got two thumbs and is named Tim Duncan? This guy.
The San Antonio Spurs, the basketball team for which Tim Duncan plays, is pretty remarkable in its consistency. Around my house, we always refer to the Spurs as the sleeper team. You rarely see them make big headlines, rarely see highlights of unbelievable plays they make on SportsCenter, but every year they seem to roar into the NBA...
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Essential Sports Term of the Day: Contract Year
An athlete is said to be in his “contract year” when his contract will expire at the end of the current season of play. This applies to the big four sports (baseball, basketball, football & hockey), but primarily baseball and basketball.
It’s often said with a bit of a sneer by sports fans, intended to indicate that athletes play harder when the chance for a new, pricier...
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ESPN's SportsNation →
SportsNation was the thing that made me realize just how far I had come in my sports education. The format, the hosts, everything about it fires on all cylinders.
Hosted by quick-witted, friendly combatants Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd, SportsNation, the show, features the results of polls and reader-submitted content from SportsNation, the microsite on ESPN.com. Cowherd is a bit of a...
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What's on TV Tonight: Stanley Cup Play-Offs (Don't...
Oh, hockey: that misunderstood stepchild of the sports world. My husband Jay, whose favorite sport is hockey, issues this quote after reading my subject line:
“Hockey is best experienced live. TV doesn’t do it justice.”
As true as that may be, get over it. Who’s watching hockey? DIEHARDS, that’s who. DIEHARDS WHO EFFING LOVE HOCKEY. So, it’s a good thing that...
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This Guy: Josh Hamilton
I don’t want to burn you ladies out on baseball — it is, generally speaking, a long season that often feels like a wasteland, and there are so many teams and games going on simultaneously, that I could pretty much fill your head with a lot of crap about Designated Hitters*, and trades and rookies and injuries and whatnot. But, in the interest of keeping you current enough to crack wise...
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This Guy: Cole Hamels
This guy is Cole Hamels. Before you get distracted by his perfect eyebrows, let me tell you why he’s all over the sporting news today. He’s a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies (Which is, what, shorthand for Philadelphians? Maybe? The Philadelphia Philadelphians? That aside…)
Last night, the Phillies were playing the Washington Nationals at their stadium, in Washington D.C....
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Essential Sports Term of the Day: IN THE POST
“In the post,” is a basketball term. In basketball, there are three players who play the “front court” meaning they play closest to the basket. Check out this diagram. The power forward in the number 4 spot is the guy who plays down “in the post,” or is “posted up” under the basket (with their backs facing the basket).
During the course of a play, a...
